Ask the Urban Dater: Led Off the Cliff of Love


Ask the Urban Dater: Led Off the Cliff of Love

Share This Article Facebook20Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: Dating in Your 20s, internet dating, Life Lessons, love Well, you only had to ask me once! So this month’s Insomnia Club post has to do with taking a dump, as-in getting dumped or dumping someone… Either way it’s something I am well-versed in. Nobody likes getting dumped by their significant other, I mean a lot of people don’t. I can’t think of anyone that wakes up and says, “hot-diggity, I hope Janice breaks my heart and beats me to death with a puppy today!!!” I know, it’s ridiculous. Right? That said, getting dumped takes a little bit of preparation and the power to reside in “reality.” The flip-side of getting dumped is, of course, dumping membership I have friends that relish this little act of pain and agony. I always marvel at how some of my friends have dumped people with such… aplomb? It’s something to marvel at from time to time. So now that I’ve laid it out for you all, let’s get to talking about taking a dump… A Mid-Summer Night’s Squeal It seemed a bit of a stretch that a dopey 22 year-old putz who played Magic the Gathering and masturbated to whatever was on ‘Sabado Gigante’ could be in a serious relationship with a stunning girl. She was, all things considered, the girl who had ‘punched my v-card.’ Which, was quite nice of her to be so friendly to such a dork. We had gotten back from the movies, we hadn’t kissed all night and when I tried to kiss her when we got back to her apartment, she avoided it, giving me a cheek instead. That was simply confirmation that something wasn’t right in Gotham… I prodded, and my girlfriend, Christy, said nothing.

Instead, she went about making dinner and turning on a movie and playing it loudly. Dinner passed, I turned off the TV. We both looked at each other, as I plopped down next to her on the couch. Then we kissed… But it was like “goodbye” if that makes any sense at all. Christy looked at me, took a deep breath and explained we couldn’t date anymore… She was likely to get back together with one of her ex-boyfriends… Had she cheated on me? She said she didn’t ( I didn’t ask her, she simply offered up that bit of info) and I chose to believe her. I asked her why and she said: “Alex, look, if there was clearlyn’t anyone else, it would be you, it would definitely be you…” I am Jack’s gaping chest-hole from where my heart have been ripped. It took time, but I managed to get over it. How? By completely shutting myself away from my ex. She wanted to be friends, i might n’t have any of it. Truthfully, I needed time I got. Even a whole year later my ego was bruised and I was still raw. I mightn’t give in to Christy and stay a friend… She tried following up with me, coming into my work to say hi.

I ignored her. Was I being petty? Perhaps. Do I wish I handled it better? Sure… I tried briefly, but it hurt too much and knowing she wasn’t mine killed me, realizing that the guy she was with was far more accomplished in life by that point also didn’t help. That, kids, is what we call insecurity and it also kills. I needed to do better. The Pre-Dump Dump I later learned that not totally all dumps happen face to face. I’ve been dumped via email, text message, hand-written letters… At one point I half expected someone to see a smoke-signal breakup or get it done via court-order or something like that. Sometimes we just fall so hard for people who don’t feel the same for us. Actually, I was just told about a person who wasn’t in to me the way I was into her… I just found out two months ago, in fact.

This girl in question, decided she wasn’t into me more than three years ago… She never told me, but she did tell a friend of mine… I laid it all on the line for her; told her how I felt and what I thought about her. All I got was silence in return. Literally. She stared off into space; we both did and I thought about applying to the International Committee on Awkward Moments to see if I could register that moment in their ‘Most Awkward Moment Contest for 2008.’ Needless to say, we remained friends and never really did get that answer from her why she didn’t feel the same way about me that I felt about her. You know what I learned? Sometimes people just don’t feel the same. They don’t fit. Sometimes people are square pegs to another person’s round-hole (for once I’m not trying to be perverted)… No explanation is needed. Just is.

She couldn’t tell me, but she could tell one of my close buddies and, he just barely told me two months ago. I reflected briefly in the beauty of that rejection. I’m not being sarcastic, but she dumped all her feelings into this friend of mine… He never told me because he promised her that he wouldn’t… He waited.

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He waited until he saw that I was happy, that I could take it. Maybe I should be mad about it, but I’m not. He did right by me and by her. Turns out she’s gonna get married next year and I found my one-and-only almost two years ago… It’s not about getting dumped, it’s all about the method that you take a dump. Stay tuned for more posts from my fellow Insomniacs this month and I’ll post them below. Women Are From Mars – Single in My 30s – Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook4Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, Insomnia Club Tagged in: taking a dump From ABC News Why is it that when I think I’ve seen, heard, and read everything I see, hear or read something that firmly reminds me that I ain’t seen sh*t? There’s an interesting story i picked up over on ABC News about a new line of business in China.  Specifically the business of rental boyfriends and rental girlfriends. What the deuce?

What fresh hell IS THIS?? In short a lonely person can rent some companionship for a few hours at a time. And to make certain it’s not too far in the gutter there are optional clauses including a “no sex” clause aka “the no fun clause.” Apparently the operator of the site that rents out these single serving boyfriend/girlfriends from “Rentals” according to the ABC story have surged during the particularly romantic and heavily marketed “holiday” Valentine’s Day. No word on figures for Girlfriend Rentals during the week of March 14th or my favorite holiday ‘Steak and a Blowjob” Day. Somehow I think that pesky “no BJs” clause would skew the numbers… It’s interesting because my initial thought is: “Oh, sorta like prostitution, right?” But it’s not. Sometimes people just want someone to spend time with. Sometimes you just need someone there that will listen to your bullshit and tell you that everything will be okay; or sometimes you just need a hug that’s more than “friendly,” the sort you get from a special some one that makes you forget everything. No, not a dick-in-the-box people. I wrote, musingly and somewhat bitterly, recently, about how relationships should last not as much as two years. A “disposable” relationship if you will. It sounds shitty, but is it surely? I think this is the “lean startup” version of dating and mating as opposed to the traditional manner in which we get to know and grow with someone over many years only to find it isn’t going to work. Which would you rather do? Honestly.

It’s an interesting concept and one that I’d be surprised to see catch on here, in the States. I’ll keep eye on this story as it develops.   Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook4Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Featured Are you looking for proven effective sex advice for women? Wondering which are the best ways to keep up your sexual health? There are many magazines or books for women nowadays that help and tell you how to be healthy through the use of exercise and diet. There are diets available for just about any health issue.

How often, nonetheless, do you see anything that helps you maintain sexual health? Let’s look at ten better sex guidance for women to remain sexy and keep up sexual intercourse. Sex Advice No: 1. So what is the first and foremost sex commendation for woman? Utilize fantasy with your partner in order to keep the sexual drive alive! Indulge in fantasy even if you don’t have a sexual partner. Women who stop thinking about sex have trouble starting again. Sex Advice No: 2. Pleasure yourself in order to stay in shape sexually. Many women would have a better chance of having an orgasm with her partner if she practices more often by herself. Don’t forget woman sexual guidance books and sexual toys. Sex Advice No: 3. Make sure your method of birth control fits with your style. If you’re having sex frequently, condoms may not be your best choice as they have a higher failure rate. Talk to your doctor about your birth control options for better sex recommendation. Sex Advice No: 4. Do Kegel exercises. These strengthen the pelvic floor, which help your bladder stay up and your uterus and vagina to be stronger.

additionally help a woman have a better and stronger orgasm. Sex Advice No: 5. Use glycerin-free lubricant. Glycerin is too much like sugar and breeds yeast infections in women who are vulnerable to them. You will find them in the drug store. Just read the label. Sex Advice No: 6. One of the most essential recommendation for woman is to… watch female hormones. Hormones can be over- or under-used by women, especially around menopause. You should use the lowest dose of hemorrhoids that control the uncomfortable outward indications of menopause.

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put it to use also for the briefest period of time. Hormones may have positive cognitive benefits but if used in large quantity and for too long, it is possible to cause more harm than good. Sex Advice No: 7. Remain healthy. There are many chronic illnesses that have sexual negative effects, including women with diabetes, who can get nerve damage or vaginal dryness. Such women can have problems getting an orgasm as a result of nerve damage. You can also stay sexy longer if you keep exercising and keep your weight down. Sex Advice No: 8. Practice experimentation is a vital sex suggestion for women who want greater sex fulfillment experience. Try using an ice cube on your lover or let your lover drink wine directly from your lips. Have sex blindfolded or tie your lover up with crepe paper. Buy a costume on the internet that is sexy and fun. Sex Advice No: 9. Don’t forget about safe sex. Things like genital herpes or Chlamydia can really put a damper on the passion of a weekend with your lover. Use condoms every time you have sex. Sex Advice No: 10. Look after your genitals.

Be wary of anything that could cause harm, including the G spot shots some health practitioners’ recommend. They are unnecessary and aren’t proven. Instead read a woman sexual recommendation book about the g spot and try to stimulate in manually. Lastly, the critical sex advice for women is to make sure keeping up your sexual health can be as important so long as you wish to have a good and active sex life for a long time. Sex is a great gift you ‘ll want to keep for years to come, if you know the ways to take care of yourself.   By: Linda Scheifer Posted: Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook0Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: For Women, Sex Tagged in: advice, exercise, guidance, health, sexual, women Halloween hot date night? My top ten scary movie picks. Forget waiting for kids to knock on your door demanding sweets. Halloween should be just another excuse for gettin’ cosy – preferably with a horror flick. I say this as an advice columnist who’s always asked what to do on dates (or how to revive a jaded long-term relationship).

Scary movies are IT, people. Studies also show adrenalin-boosting activities – and watching horror definitely falls into that category – can boost those loving feelings. Which is great news whether you’re in that first flush of lust, or have been together 20 years. So here are my Halloween movie picks. Just add wine and microwave popcorn. 1. Insidious (2010) Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne star in this horror about a seemingly healthy little boy who falls in to a coma. Only it’s not a coma. It’s a supernatural body-snatching type deal, and can I just say, you never want to hear those sounds coming out of your baby monitor. Insidious is the brainchild of Saw team Leigh Whannell and James Wan (Leigh wrote it, James directed), and while they do go a little overboard on the low lighting, creepy soundtrack and jumpy bits, it’s eventually pretty scary stuff. 2. i would ike to In (2010) It’s a remake of a spectacular Swedish vampire film, Let The Right One In, and it’s terrific – even if purist fans of the original never wanted Let Me In to start to see the light of day. But, it did and it’s well worth renting or Netflixing. This vampire flick tells the story of two lonely kids, Abby and Owen – Chloe Moretz and Kodi Smit-McPhee – who meet in their apartment block and become firm friends. Only, that’s not really advisable because Abby isn’t your average 12-year-old. It’s beautifully shot, has its share of scares and, in a market saturated with vampire movies, is certainly my pick.

3. The Orphanage (2007) Foreign horror rocks. Take this chilling Spanish ghost story about a grieving mother who realises her son’s imaginary friends may support the key to his disappearance. I was reviewing it for a magazine at the time and had to watch it alone. On a weekend. In a rickety old theatrette. Don’t follow my lead. Bad move. 4. Open Water (2007) Nothing like a film that taps into people’s worst nightmares. Open Water is based on the actual story of a couple who go on holiday, decide to do a little scuba diving and are left stranded in shark-infested waters after their dive boat operator forgot to accomplish a proper head count. ( Or just couldn’t count.) It’s low-budget, sure, but a great alternative for fans of similar films like Jaws and recent but decent Aussie offering, The Reef. 5. Paranormal Activity (2007) It’s a franchise spawning evil sequels at a dizzying rate… but it’s really only the first film you should hire, about a couple who go on to the burbs to locate they’re sharing their house with something weird. (No, it’s not possum.) So they start leaving a video camera running in their bedroom while they sleep in the hopes that the tapes will tell the story in the morning. The actors – Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat – were unknowns. The camera work left lot to be desired. The budget was miniscule.

But, people. It literally took a week before i stopped tucking the duvet under the mattress and sleeping with one eye open. Seriously one of the creepiest films ever. 6. The Hills Have Eyes (2006) Nothing like a little family road trip into the middle of nowhere going horribly wrong, right? But that’s the fate of the Carters, a typical American family whose detour into an old nuclear testing site in New Mexico proves suitably grisly. What with the blood lust, gritty brutality and murderous mutants, Wes Craven’s super sick remake of the 1977 film is a disturbing little piece of cinema I will hopefully not be viewing again anytime soon. But it’ll undoubtedly put the frighteners on anyone who hasn’t seen it. 7. Wolf Creek (2005) Give me a flesh-eating virus film over a serial killer film anyday. Serial killers are the WORST. What makes Wolf Creek’s psycho (John Jarratt) somehow more terrifying is that the actor was previously best-known for his work on Australian TV kids’ show Playschool. (He made crafts and sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to a whole generation of traumatised filmgoers; I am one of them.) The story – which has shades of the actual life Peter Falconio missing person’s case in the Aussie outback in 2001 – revolves around a trucker who lures a group of backpackers to his outback lair, only to methodically hunt them down and kill them in super creative ways. A sequel is supposedly in the works, but even I don’t reckon they could better that spinal cord scene; it really is forever burned onto my psyche. 8. Wrong Turn (2003) Deliverance meets Scream in this film about a group of teens on a weekend camping trip who fall into the clutches of a family of in-bred cannibals.

Think little house of horrors-type vibe, complete with torture chamber. I guarantee using this point on you too will regard all those weird, hoardy-type houses in deserted forests with great suspicion. 9. 28 Days Later (2002) As a rule, I far prefer lampoonage of the zombie genre (a la Shaun of this Dead) to the alternative. Because most zombie films are, let’s face it, a ridiculous waste of time. Yet not this one. Who knew a deserted London could be so scary? Isn’t that every shopper’s dream? Uh, not quite. 28 Days Later is SO well done. So impossibly eerie and creepy and, well, imbued with a kind of hopelessness.

Big ups to director Danny Boyle and writer Alex Garland (of The Beach fame) for a top shelf horror that’ll really haunt your dreams. 10. Alien (1979) We all know the story: a distress call lands on a distant planet and discovers some strange creatures. This franchise STILL scares the crap out of me decades after I first saw it, and might I recommend staging a Halloween Alien Marathon with the one you love. If in order to relive that alien-clawing-out-of-the-chest scene. It’s not romantic, but if you’re not clinging to one another in terror, I’m all out of a few ideas. ~ Of course, there are HEAPS more I could’ve included, so help me out in the comments! What is your movie picks for a proper scare-fest? Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook8Tweet0Pin12 Posted in: Date Ideas, Featured Tagged in: 28 Days Later, adrenalin, Alien, arousal, date night, Insidious, intimacy, Jaws, i would ike to In, Open Water, Paranormal Activity, scary movie, The Hills Have Eyes, The Orphanage, Wolf Creek, Wrong Turn You, too, can be a good Boyfriend. Rebecca beats that idea into unless you submit! Over the years, I’ve read many of the popular books on dating.  I’ve read books that teach women the rules, why I should be a bitch, and how to be married in 365 days.  (Really?  Should that be my goal?)  Books that train me how to send a flirty text ( I don’t know what revolutionary ideas I thought I’d find there), how to think and date such as a man, and books telling me why I’m still single.  I found some tips to be valuable, and I incorporated what I learned into my dating life.  But I wasn’t any happier with how things were going.

Perhaps the guys I dated were happier, but I wasn’t. Because the guys I dated clearly hadn’t received any guidance on the topic, and it takes two. Also, over the years, I’ve told off many guys. The guys who tried to string me along while they had girlfriends, the guys who plainly had no respect for me, and the guys who thought they could get in my pants and never having to care about me at all. The guys who told me “good people are hard to find,” yet treated me poorly, thinking I’d nevertheless be there because I was “so awesome.”  I never expected any results of telling them off (other than feeling better myself), but a strange thing happened.  In almost every case, I later found out that my words had resonated.  One guy had a long conversation with his mom about how he couldn’t get things right with me.  Another told me that I psychoanalyzed him so well, I could make it a profession.  ( It wasn’t that difficult; he was a momma’s boy.) Among others called months later wanting to talk about what I said to them.  They heard me.

And I found myself with even more to say.  I started writing it all out, thinking maybe I’d turn it in to a book some day.  I’d call it “How to Be A good boyfriend.” As I was writing, I thought about what guys were looking for.  If they were to check out my advice, I wanted to make sure they’d be happy with the results.  I paid close attention to what I heard around me. There were stories about girlfriends who have been annoying and jealous.  Plainly these women were insecure, but the guys didn’t see it and probably didn’t know their actions could have anything to do with it.

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